PAHABOL 1

One day Mr. Cadburry met Hersheys, he hugs and KISSES her and puts his BUTTERFINGER in her

MILKYWAY. They were on CLOUD 9, his BAZOOKA fired with a BIGBANG ! Result?

BABYRUTH..!

PAHABOL 2

A woman gave birth to quadruplets. Upon seeing her husband, she got out of her hospital bed and slapped him shouting….

..kita mo epekto ng DOGSTYLE ?!..

February 1..2..3..4……..10! It’s the final countdown! Yippee!! Im going home today ladies and gentlemen. Today is my flight to the Philippines! Although i’m flying home every year, still, the exitement before the flight is undescribeable. I could kill myself everytime i hurry to buy the presents and goodies i want to bring home, coz i always move my ass at the last hour. The result: I’m dead tired till i plunge in my seat in the airplane.

Here the things i’m planning to do when i get there: (hopefully )

1. I will eat mangos as much as i can…everyday! Also lanzones, jackfruit, guyabano etc.

2. I will eat seafoods as much as i can…everyday! Fish, crabs, lobster, shellfish, shrimps..LAHAT!

3. I will eat laing, lumpiang sariwa, pancit palabok, fish balls, halo-halo, itlog na maalat etc…but not everyday, hehehe! Or else i’ll get sick of either indigestion or loose bowel movement.

4. I will have at least 2 weeks beach vacation there. A little sunshine on my already pale body will make me look healthier and adorable. ( God help! )

5. I will relax the whole day. I will try how it feels to be lazy sometimes. I’m in dire need of rest having been very busy everyday the whole year.

6. I will not occupy my mind with problems. My brain needs rest too. So, if they got problems there, i will not care. Dedma!

7. I will visit the grave of my grandparents. I loved them so much but my busy schedule didnt allow me to go to the cemetery everytime i was there.

8. I will go to the beauty shop for my haircut, footspa, manicure, pedicure, facial care, massage etc. I will be taken by mistake as a movie star when i leave the shop..hahaha!

9. I will go to the tailor to alter my pants, shoemaker for the sole of my shoes, dressmaker to repair my cocktail dress, jewelry shop for a new quartz battery for my wristwatch etc. These things are expensive in Germany so i save them till i go to the Philippines again.

10. Finally, I will get a lot of loving from my bebe. I missed him so much and he’s one of the reasons why i’m flying today.

For all these things i am planning to do, inspite of the hectic, stress and money i’m going to spend,… still, the Phillipines is worth going home for !!!

FUN 1

PRIEST: Hinahabol ako ng babaeng maganda’t hubad, dinamitan ko agad. Kung kayo po bishop, ano gagawin nyo?

BISHOP: Tulad mo, magsisinungaling din ako !! Nyahahaha!!

FUN 2

BOBO: Pare hulaan mo pangalan ko nagsisismula sa letter F.

PARE: Felix?

BOBO: Mali.

PARE: Francis?

BOBO: Mali pa rin.

PARE: O sige, siret na!

BOBO: EFREN !!

FUN 3

BOBO: Pare hulaan mo ugali ko nagsisimula sa letter A.

PARE: Approachable?

BOBO: Mali.

PARE: Amiable?

BOBO: Mali pa rin.

PARE: O sige, siret na!

BOBO: ANEST !! nyehehe..

FUN 4:

FVR: Bumili ko bago jeans, ang ganda.

ERAP: Ano tatak?

FVR: GUESS.

ERAP: Levis?

FVR: GUESS.

ERAP: Lee?

FVR: GUESS nga.

ERAP: Wrangler?

FVR: Sabi ng GUESS eh!

ERAP: Sige na nga, siret na !! bwahaha..

CHIKA 1

BOY: Pakagat dede!

GIRL: Ayoko!

BOY: Bigyan kita 1,000 pesos

GIRL: Sige, pero bilisan mo.

BOY: ( Piniga, hinimas, sinipsip)

GIRL: Bat di mo kinagat?

BOY: Wala ako pera !!

CHIKA 2

MANONG: Ale napansin ko na dalawa lata ninyo? Para saan yung
isa?

PULUBI: Alam mo amang, talagang hindi mapigilan ang pag- asenso kaya naglagay ako ng BRANCH.

CHIKA 3

AMAZONA: Sa wakas ako huli din lalaki, ako tagal na di tikim titi.

BIHAG: Wow swerte ang sesexy !

AMAZONA: Hala, hugas nyo mabuti titi bago ihaw !!

CHIKA 4

PARI: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR ? Kunin ko lang toothbrush ko.

SISTER: Sandali naka-panty lang ako.

PARI: Ok, antay ako.

SISTER: Sige pasok na, wala nako panty..!!

I have a colleague at the airport who has the talent to analyse one’s personality by simply giving her your complete name and date of birth. I thought maybe she possessed a 7th sense or just had a magical book in her library. Out of curiousity, i let her analyse me and my boyfriend in the Philippines. Not that i believe in this hokus-pokus, but i thought “why not, i have nothing to lose anyway.” After two days, she gave me her hand-written analysis of myself. She even told me she actually charge 50 euro for such work coz it needs a lot of concentration and computations. But since we are friends, a treat in Mc Donalds is enough to return the favor. Excitedly, i started reading the papers she gave me, and i must admit, everything she wrote hits me like bulls-eye! I was surprised that she found out the innermost part of my personality that only me knew.

The following day she handed me her analysis on my boyfriend. To remind you, she has not seen him yet, doesn’t know him at all and has not talked to him in her life. What she wrote about him is exactly how i know him to be.

Then finally, yesterday she gave me her analysis on our relationship according to our names and date of births. She said that life with him is going to be turbulent because of the incompatibility of our characters. She noted down the reasons of the petty quarrels that will soon to arise. These are not new to me because im very much aware of our differences. But what surprises me most is her listing down of the most probable roots of our discrepancies. Those were exactly what i foresee too, that’s why i am very adamant to commit. How did she know that? Is she really good or it is just a coincident? But then again she reminded me that there is no perfect relationship, each has its own problem. Now the question is: Can our LOVE keep us together? Could it really be strong enough to prevent and overcome every disaster in our life? Can LOVE really be so blind to ignore this big incompatibility between us? I dont know… I hate separations… Once i commit in a relationship, i wanted it to be for keeps. But relationship without harmony isn’t worth saving for too… WILL PRAYERS HELP MAYBE?…..

CLIP 1

GUY 1: Tol, gusto ko magpalit ng name.

GUY 2: Baket, ano ba name mo?

GUY 1: Anthony Putingtae.

GUY 2: Pangit nga. Ano gusto mo ipalit?

GUY 1: Richard Putingtae.

CLIP 2

LEARN ENGLISH:

Nagbebenta ng ISDA: SELFISH

Lahat nasa KANAN: ALRIGHT

Babaeng Nakatayo sa ILALIM: MIS-UNDERSTANDING

Matagal ng BULAG: LONG TIME NO SEE

CLIP 3

THE ADDICT AND POKPOK STORY

ADDICT: Honey, will you marry me?

POKPOK: Eh, meron nako nakaraan eh…

ADDICT: Ok lang honey, wala naman akong kinabukasan eh !!

GREENY 1

Kapag umuungol ang DOG
Panigurado may TAO

Kapag umuungol ang TAO
Panigurado……

DOG STYLE !!!

GREENY 2

A guy was joining the army but came late for Physical Examination. Pagdating nya, all men were naked, ready for inspection. He looked ang shouted: ” Diyos ko day! Ano ba itetch? EAT ALL YOU CAN ?!!

GREENY 3

BF NG BOLDSTAR: Ang sakit ng ulo ko parang binibiyak.

BOLDSTAR: Ang sakit ng biyak ko parang inuulo !!!