His Last Breath…….
“Andito na tayo sa bahay Dad, nakauwi ka na.” …..”Kuya Ruben! Kuya Ruben! Ang Daddy di na ata humihinga!… Daddy, ‘Dy..Daaaaddyyyy!!!!!!”
It was a gloomy, humid day when i arrived at the NAIA on Thursday, 14th June 2007….when i hurriedly flew home upon knowing that my beloved father was already on a very critical condition. Before i took my plane, i called my Dad to make him promise to wait for me. He was almost comatose but still, he heard and understood what i was telling him coz with utmost effort, he tried to answer me, “Oo, uwi ka na..” With just a small and almost empty luggage, i took the next possible flight to Manila. My brother who fetched me at the airport took me straight to the hospital where dad was confined since June 6, 2007. The person i saw lying on his bed looks like a stranger to me. He lost too much weight, his yellowish eyes open but uncomprehending and the mouth covered with oxygen mask was grasping for air. My heart tore upon seeing him that way. I couldnt help but cry out my pain, feeling so helpless and useless not knowing how i could help my poor father to release him from his suffering. His breathing was hard and deep, the intervals sometimes too long that i panic thinking that the next breathing might not come again. After a long deliberation with my family, and only after a doctor and a nurse relative of ours promised to accompany us, we decided to bring Dad home, which i promised him to do once i arrive. “Pagdating ko Dad, iuuwi na kita sa bahay…yun ang gusto mo di ba?” was the promise i gave him on the phone.
Armed with an oxygen tank, his dextroses and infusions hanging and circulating through his shattered veins, we took Dad in an ambulance with my doctor cousin and nurse attending to him, to start the journey back home. Two vehicles accompanied the ambulance, a car infront with my brother driving to show the way to the driver, and following the ambulace was my Mom, an aunt and me in a van. The travel from the hospital to our house seemed like eternity although the distance between the two was only about 40kms away. When we were just about 2km away from our residence, we were stucked in a heavy traffic which forced us to wait for almost one hour till we finally reached home. A mixed feelings of fear, anxiety and impatience wrapped my being during the entire trip unknowing in what condition my father was in that vehicle before us. As we finally reached home, i run to the garage where my brothers started to disembark Dad from the ambulance to transfer him to his comforting matrimonial bed. When they finally laid my father in bed i touched his face and told him “Andito na tayo sa bahay Dad, nakauwi ka na…” He responded to me by moving his eyebrowes..but then i noticed that he is not breathing anymore. So i yelled to my cousin who was setting his dextrose to put it in proper place, “Kuya Ruben…ang Daddy!” Suddenly my Dad took a deep breath. I was watching him intensely while waiting for the next breath to come…till i noticed that no more was coming. “Kuya Ruben…ang Daddy di na ata humihinga!” My cousin checked his pulse, heard with his stethoscope for his heart beat, then he touched my shoulder to tell me, “Let him rest Malu.” That was the most painful words of reality i heard in my life. “Daddy..Daaaddddyyyy!!!! I was yelling, hugging and kissing my father, denying and not accepting the truth, i was floating, dreaming, hurting, agonizing, kissing and hugging my Dad….kissing and hugging…kissing and hugging…..My brother took me in his arms and told me to let my Dad go, that he is resting now, that he doesnt have pain anymore, that he is now in heaven, that…that…that….
I dont know how long it took me to comprehend what was happening on that night. What i know was that my dad fought all the way just to reach home and die peacefully in his bed, that he kept his promise to wait for me, that we granted him his last wish to go home, and that i was beside him when he gave his last breath……..
I am so sorry to hear about your father’s passing away. It was so like that when my father died last year, I just could not believe it came so sudden, although he was troubled by serious diabetic condition for several years. But I never thought he would die so soon an age. I was crying terribly that I thought my tears had left my body dry.
But with prayers and supplications, the pain has healed although not entirely. I still have some backtracking of that fateful day.
Again, my condolences to you and your family.
Comment by Major Tom — June 19, 2007 @ 6:08 am
So sorry to hear about your Dad .
In the end, your Dad waited for you to come home and spent his last moments in your arms. I have a feeling that he was thankful to see you face to face before his final voyage. There is a certain sense of closure in such an event which I am sure gives you that peace and reassurance, a sense of completeness.
My sincerest condolences to you and your family.
Comment by bw — June 19, 2007 @ 8:39 pm
>>Major Tom
thanks. i think it will take time till i recover.
>>bw
thanks bw. yeah, that’s a consolation… at least he waited for me before he closed his eyes forever.
Comment by Curacha — June 20, 2007 @ 9:55 am
:( Letting go of a loved one is really painful especially if it’s forever. I’m so sorry about your Dad. Medyo kabado na ako pagtingin ko sa title eh, and my fears were confirmed when I read the whole post. Pero, your Dad really waited for you to come home and see you for the last time. What is your Dad’s name? I’d like to include him in my prayers. May his soul rest in peace. My condolences to you and your family.
Comment by carey — June 22, 2007 @ 2:26 am
My sincere condolences Curacha. I will offer a prayer for your father.
Comment by verns — June 22, 2007 @ 5:15 am
Sorry to hear about this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Comment by Abaniko — June 23, 2007 @ 6:44 am
My sincerest condolences Curacha. I offer my prayers to you. I am glad that you were with your Father at that critical time.
Comment by Toe — June 23, 2007 @ 8:24 am
>>carey
his name is Marino. thanks for the prayers carey.
>>verns
thank you for your prayers.
>>Abaniko
salamat sa pakikiramay….
>>Toe
that’s what i keep on telling myself, he waited for me…and i’ll carry this thoughts in my heart forever.l
Comment by Curacha — June 23, 2007 @ 11:14 am
Manay M Sorry to hear about your dad! Our sincere condolences to you & family Hugses
Comment by cheH — June 27, 2007 @ 1:56 pm
>>cheH
thanks Day..and good to see you again.
Comment by Curacha — June 27, 2007 @ 2:14 pm
hi Curacha, hope you’re doing fine… just dropping by. i’ll be praying for your Dad.
Comment by carey — July 3, 2007 @ 8:46 am
Sorry ’bout your dad…
At least you were able to see him before he finally said goodbye.
Comment by mitchteryosa — July 22, 2007 @ 1:06 pm
>>carey
im fine carey, thanks…la pa lang ako sa mood magsulat…am still sad…
>>mitchteryosa
yeah, that was a big consolation…i was able to see him still alive….thanks for dropping by.
Comment by curacha — July 28, 2007 @ 5:29 pm
I won’t claim to know how excruciatingly painful you felt by your father, Malu. Because I have never experienced it. But if the passing of my grandmother who was very close to me seems unbearable, how much more a father?
Here’s just a wish that you’d find comfort in the arms of those who love you, and your heart will be filled with hope for the future.
Always remember your dad with a smile. Fathers always wanted to be remembered that way.
Comment by Rey — August 2, 2007 @ 9:19 am
>>Rey
such beautiful, consoling words…thanks friend. it still hurts u know…
Comment by curacha — August 6, 2007 @ 7:05 am
Tag kita ineng ha!:) I hope you can join us.Please see details:)
Comment by cheH — August 6, 2007 @ 8:09 pm
>>cheH
ok lang day! sige visit kita….
Comment by curacha — August 8, 2007 @ 5:58 am
Hello Malou. I only had the chance to visit you now and my prayers and thoughts go out for you and your family. I hope you all are feeling a bit better now.
I actually could feel your pain while reading this entry. My grandma also promised to wait for me…she gave all her might but wasn’t able to, before she closed her eyes, she said she was waiting for me.
This still haunts me. please don’t get me wrong but in a way I envy you for being able to be w/ your dad during his last moments.
Take care , Malou.
regards from Holland.
Comment by thess — August 14, 2007 @ 2:53 pm
Tagal ko ring di nakapag-bloghop. I know it’s really painful, I lost my dad 13 years ago pero hanggang ngayon masakit pa rin. Kami nga parehong narito lang sa Manila pero 4 hours na siyang patay noong malaman ko. Ang sakit-sakit talaga. But like what your brother said, atleast tapos na lahat ng hirap niya, di na siya makakaramdam ng pain.
I hope you’re a little ok now.
Comment by Lani — August 16, 2007 @ 10:46 am
>>thess
yeah, thats the only consolation i have, i still saw him alive… but that doesnt change the fact that i wont see him anymore…
>>Lani
ang sakit pa rin sis… thats the reason why i cant post anything since his death… my mind is empty for sorrows.
Comment by curacha — August 18, 2007 @ 7:00 am
nakakalungkot magbasa ng ganito lalo na kapag nag-iisa ka…malayo sa pamilya
pero meron pa bang mas dadaig sa sadness na nararamdaman mo?
I’m sorry.
Comment by melai — September 10, 2007 @ 5:31 pm