This is a funny joke posted in my bulletin by a friend. I was amused by the simplicity of this one so i thought of sharing it to you. Have a nice weekend everybody !!

A guy named Benny is sitting in a bar mouthing off that he knows everybody. So his buddy bets $10 the next person to walk in the bar didn’t know him. Somebody walks in the bar and says “Hey Benny what’s up?” so the guy then bets him $100 he doesn’t know the first person they see outside walking down the street. So they go outside and see some coming up to the bar and says “Hey Benny how are things going?”. Flustered the guy bets him $500 he doesn’t know the President. So they drive up to the white house and the security guard says “Benny you know you can’t just show up here like this.” Then a limo pulls up with the president in it and he rolls down the window and says “Hey Benny how have you been?” So then he bets him $1000 he doesn’t know the Pope. So they take a plane down to Rome and he says” Ok now watch up there on that balcony I’m gonna come out there with the Pope.” So he goes up there and looks down to see his friend pass out. He goes down there and says “Are you that surprised that I know the Pope?” he goes “No somebody walked behind me and said who’s that guy up there with Benny!”

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what ‘tenjewberrymuds’ means by the end of the conversation. The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): “Morrin. Roon sirbees.”

G : “You’re very welcome.”

This is a letter from one bar girl to another bar girl whose boyfriend she apparently stole. This was found in a Malate bar by a friend of the guy who sent me this e-mail. Enjoy it as much as I did!!!

Actual letter found in a bar in Malate:

To Marjie,
I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why? What reason you can think about but you’re very fat body. I’m thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I’m realize that he really can’t not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you’re habit of making pakialam all his walks and always calling to their house what time he go home or this or that and then he say he get ashame to met you iether in school or in his family an d then asking you to exercise you’re very, very, very fat body but you hate it you thoughth you’re the most prettiest girls he know about what do you think you are “Beautiful Girl” of Jose Mari Chan even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the rigth to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I’m never call you names before iether in front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I’m don’t have any other choice but to called you other different name to like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you’re body that is to a BUDING. You can’t not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I’m am the more sexier than you when you look to us in the mirror. I’m repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.
FROM: THE SEXIEST GIRL OF D.M.

At 85 years, Morris marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate bedrooms.

She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the wedding festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting.

Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.

After a few minutes there’s a knock on the door and there old Morris is again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is certainly ready for slumber at this point, and is close to sleep, for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25 year old and ready for more.

Once again they do the horizontal boogie. As they’re laying in afterglow the young bride says to him, “I am really impressed that a man your age has enough juice to go at it three times. I’ve been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one time. You’re a great lover Morris.”

Morris looks confused, and turns to her and says,” I was here already?”

CORY: i checked my daughter’s bag & found cigarettes! i can’t believe she smokes!

ERAP: yung titser namin sabi H to O daw…!

JOKE 1

A girl looked at a man’s tattoo:
NIKE on his arm, REEBOK on his legs.
She screamed when she saw AIDS on his penis!
“Relax”, he said, “if it erects, it reads ADIDAS ! ”

JOKE 2

DOSAGE OF VIAGRA

With new GF = 1/2 tab

With Mistress = 1 tab

With wife = 2 tab + x-rated film + soup #5 + ginseng + siling labuyo + balut + talaba

JOKE 3

AMA: Buntis anak ko panagutan mo!

BF: May asawa na po ako.

AMA: Pano to?

BF: Areglo na lang po, 2M pag lalaki, 1.5M pag babae.

AMA: Ok, pero pag nakunan GIB HER ANADER CHANS ha?

JOKE 4

MAID: Sir sinong mas masarap, si Mam ba o ako?

SIR: Syempre ikaw. Bakit?

MAID: Naguguluhan kase ako eh. Sabi ng boy mas masarap daw si Mam!

JOKE 5

JUNJUN: Nay, bat yun bird ng classmate ko parang champoy?

NANAY: Baket? Maliit ba o malambot?

JUNJUN: Hindi Nay…, maalat eh… Sinubo ko kanina!

JOKE 6

Si Mister nakakita 3 butil ng bigas at 100 pesos sa drawer ni Misis:

MISTER: Ano to?

MISIS: Um, magtatapat nako honey. Tuwing nagtataksil ako syo naglalagay ako ng 1 butil ng bigas sa drawer.

MISTER: Eh ano yung 100 pesos?

MISIS: Nung naging 1 kilo na yun bigas, binenta ko na !

LAFF 1

GIRL: Doc, pano malalaman na sex maniac ako?

DOC: Meron tayong gagawing test iha, pero bago ang lahat bitiwan mo muna ang T*#* ko !

LAFF 2

Take care of your teeth….

“pak kaw wala ipen, wala kantooth !”

LAFF 3

JUDGE: Hinawakan mo ba ang hita ng babaeng ito?

NGONGO: Hini po, hini po !!!

JUDGE: Pilosopo ! Hinawakan o hinipo, pareho lang yun!..GUILTY !!

LAFF 4

(Sa kumpisalan)